When people discuss divorce between parents, the first thought is often, “But what about the children?” This is a natural impulse, and the aspects of child custody or the parenting plan, cost of child support, and the determination of where the children will live have a large role in the ultimate divorce settlement.

But the question often implies the children will suffer because their parents are divorcing. In this matter, we have to keep a few things straight. We must remember that the choice is not between the lives an idealized television family, like “Leave it to Beaver” and a divorce.

The choice is between a marriage that has become dysfunctional and a relationship between two people that has soured or deteriorated to the point where they no longer want to spend any time with each other and a divorce.

A loveless marriage is something the children will detect soon enough. A violent, even if only psychological or emotionally violent, marriage is a painful experience that will cause as much “damage” to children as any divorce.

While a divorce may not be the perfect outcome, life often comes up short when it comes to perfect outcomes. Allowing parents to separate so that children are not exposed to incessant fighting, resentment, unhappiness and all of the other circumstance that occur in a marriage that is ended in every sense but the legal one.

No good will ever come from requiring two profoundly unhappy people remain together. While a divorce brings with it its own set of challenges, they are different and less problematic than a household that has devolved down to internecine warfare.

In such a circumstance, divorce is about the children, and allowing them a chance to grow outside a toxic environment.



The Huffington Post, “Why a Good Divorce Is Better Than a Bad Marriage for Kids,” Brette Sember, March 24, 2015